the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
