new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
