You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
