Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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