I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize