you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
try to milk me bitch
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
