chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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