Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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