But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so much tequila, so little girl.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
