Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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