She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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