First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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