I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize