So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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