You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
