I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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