So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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