she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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