i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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