Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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