Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
