Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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