The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
