My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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