we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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