we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
