Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
