we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize