oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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