If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
