I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize