You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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