Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
