I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
