If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
