I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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