I got chris browned last night
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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