i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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