she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
