do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
