Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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