Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
