I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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