whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize