If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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