My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
