so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize