I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
