He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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