this beer tastes like vomit already
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
