Swine flu. Run for my life!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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