Porn is love you can see.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
