You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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