I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
