You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
