someone get that fucking seahorse.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
