Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Welp...herpes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What a dumb baby whore.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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