honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
