I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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