Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
