1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize