Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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