Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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