Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
