someone threw a dead crab at me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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