I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
