I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
