oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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