Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
