VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
