hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
