Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
honey bunches of taint.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
