So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
