You can't special order awesome
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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