Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
