oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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