why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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