Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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