Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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