Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
